Alternate body parts
by EpimetheusUnbound
Summary: So I read a few fanfics where there were some unusual body parts, and that got me thinking... M/M, dub con, multiple pairings, implied bestiality


3/22/15 So, I read a couple of fanfics where the characters had some alternative body part and thought I'd run with it. Rated M, multiple pairings. Dub-con. Hints of beastiality.

Russia, America, Canada

Alfred's pissed. Those EU bastards all getting into bed with China; joining the AIIB. China was his lover, sure, they had a co-dependent relationship, but he was still pissed. Matthew must have noticed, because he walks up and asks, "Alfred, you've got to calm down. Is there anything I can do?"

"Yeah, you can help kick Not so Great Britain's ass."

"I meant other than that."

That was when Russia walked by. Oh, Hell Yeah, the way that bastard's been acting up, I could really use some hate sex. Alfred locks eyes with Russia, and from the way Russia's smirk widens he can see that Ivan's up for it. Russia heads out America grabs Canada's arm and follows.

They arrive at a secret base out in the desert when America realizes that Canada has been talking to him. Wait was he trying to shout?

"Alfred! Let go of my arm! You're hurting me! Where are we anyway?"

"You and me are going to fuck up Russia good, that's why we're here."

"Alfred! I never agreed to a threesome and why did we have to come all the way out here to do it?"

God, his brother could be such a whine ass, maybe that's why he'd never fucked him before. Alfred looks at his brother.

"You're kidding, right? We can't do this around people." Alfred, dragging Matthew, leads the way into the bunker, with Russia following. Alfred presses his thumb against a door and they gain entry. The door shuts and locks itself behind them and Alfred and Russia start stripping. Russia gives Matthew an inquiring glance, "What are you doing Matvey? Take off your clothes, da?"

Matthew mutters about overbearing violent freaks, but nobody pays attention, so he starts stripping. Once undressed Matthew looks over at Russia. He's heard rumors about Russia. Matthew's jaw drops; he hadn't been expecting this. Russia has a loaded missile launch system where his dick should have been. "Alfred, look…" His voice trails away as he notices a similar apparatus in lieu of his brother's genitals.

Matthew looks up into his brother's eyes and notices that Alfred is staring at Matthew's normal genitals in shock.

wiki/Canada_and_weapons_of_mass_destruction

"Dude? What's up with your dick?"

"Matvey doesn't have nukes. Didn't you know that America?"

"He could still launch maple syrup or something."

**Matthew Launches Maple Syrup, or Something**

It was early Saturday morning when Alfred let himself into Matthew's house and starts to fix a short stack. He calls Matthew on his cellphone, because he didn't want to be attacked directly for waking his brother up this early. Matthew cringes and then thrashes around for whatever's making that blasted racket. It was the theme song from cats, Alfred's idea of a joke, don't ask. "What the hell do you want this early in the morning?!"

"Good morning baby bro, you better come downstairs. I have something down here that desperately needs some sweetening up."

"I'm going to change my locks."

"I love you too, sweetie. I'll be able to love you even better once you get down here."

Matthew stumbles out of bed clad in just a pair of black pajama bottoms and stumbles down the stairs.

"Oh yeah, baby swing those hips!" Matthew glares at his naked brother, but then his eyes shift to the stack of pancakes. Yes, the stack of pancakes were more arousing than his naked brother. Matthew blushed, becoming very aroused. America smirked, sauntering over to his brother to help him out of those pajamas. He ran his hands down Matthew's sides pulling the pajamas along, once he reached them. "Such a beautiful sight; oh god Matthew, I've missed you."

Alfred puts one hand above each of Matthew's knees, sliding up with them as his mouth starts at Matthew's navel and kisses its way down. Alfred's hands frame the maple leaf as his tongue explores its subtle curves.

"God Matthew, this is so much better than those fig leaves that the Europeans have." Alfred idly wonders if there is a large Canadian dick closeted in a room in the Vatican. Alfred's tongue works the maple leaf faster, his hands join in, but gently, he has to remember to be gentle. "Non GMO my ass." "What?" Matthew inquires. "Nothing." Finally, finally Matthew is about to cum and Alfred angles the leaf over the flap jacks. Matthew ejaculates maple syrup onto the pancakes. Finally, finally, Alfred can have breakfast. "I still think it was tasteless to put a picture of your junk on your flag."

She'd finally done it. Belarus finally had her brother cornered. She rips his clothes off with a single swipe of her nails and there it is, what she's been longing for. Her brother's, "faucet?"

"Da, I thought you knew Natasha."

"But I've seen you carrying that around completely detached from…"

"Da, it unscrews like this."

"Oh." Wait, does that mean…, "Does that mean that when you've been hitting people with that…"

"Da, I vas becoming one wit dem."

"You were banging them?! You блядь (whore)!"

**Japan's technology**

Alfred was feeling playful. He had just won a video gaming marathon against Kiku, and Japan was one badass motherfucking player. He grabbed Kiku into a hug and started tickling him. Then America started undressing him. Japan stilled becoming pliant under Alfred's eager ministrations. When Alfred unzipped Kiku's pants, Kiku's robotic arm reached out and joined Kiku's regular hands in undressing America. "Hey, is that a new model?" Alfred noticed.

"Yeah, I got it when I upgraded my cellphone plan."

"Hey, get a load of mine. I used to use it to wee, but it's so much better now."

France wraps an arm around Kiku, "You know flowers can express a lot mon cher."

"I am aware of that." Francis's hand slides inside of Kiku's kimono, playing with a nipple. The wind gently blows the chimes. "Your gardens are almost as alluring as you." Japan's blush deepens as his breath picks up. France's hands gently undress Japan exposing Japan's cherry blossom. Every time I see it, it is so beautiful. The pink petals flutter delicately. "Oh, how I wish I was the one to deflower you."

Japan's eyes widen in horror, "You want to castrate me?"

"Non, mon ami, it was just a figure of speech." but too late, Japan had grabbed his clothes and fled.

Matthew was warm. Matthew was soft and fluffy and warm. And Gilbert loved to be cuddled up in that warmth. Then it occurred to him, "Matthew, why is your body covered with this pale fur?"

"I'm part polar bear." Matthew answers sleepily.

"Wait, does that mean that your mother…" Gilbert went quiet as the implication occurred to him.

"It's not that unusual, you've met my son."

Gilbert's eyes widen, "What son?"

"Kumasnow, or something, anyway, you've met him."

"He doesn't look anything like you?"

"He takes after his mother."

Gilbert grows quiet at this. There are some things he would never write in his diaries. Maybe being alone wasn't so bad.

**England's scones**

"Hard and burned on the outside, doughy and compacted on the inside, these have got to be your worst effort yet. It's your own fucking dish you should know how to make it. Or don't you even know what a scone should look like?" Francis fumed. England's lower lip quivered and his eyes were tearing up. "Well bugger you and bugger your uppity french cuisine. I've had enough of your snide comments…" France pulls Britain into a kiss and they make quick work of their clothes. "Je suis désolé. I suppose that it's just having seen perfection," and Francis reaches between Arthur's thighs, "I can never be satisfied with anything less." France strokes the soft pair of scones that dangle behind Britain's cock. "They're so much better than America's hamburgers."

"Oi, when were you tasting America's hamburgers?"

Francis looks up surprised, he knew they weren't monogamous, right?

"I thought only I…" oh shit, did Britain think they were in a committed relationship?

"I thought I was the only one to taste America's hamburgers."  
"What?"

"I can't believe you've had your filthy hands all over my precious America."

Now France was pissed.

**Russia's sunflower**

"America, I vant to see my beautiful sunflower." This said in the middle of a UN meeting. Actually this shouted across the room at the UN meeting. "Why are you telling me?" Alfred asks flippantly.

"Just take your clothes off."

"Fine, if it will get you to shut up." Alfred strips revealing the lovely sunflower hanging between his thighs."

"Make it stand up."

"You make it stand up." Russia smirks accepting America's invitation.


End file.
